just getting around to posting this

4/16/10







Saying goodbye






Today Poppy went home. He took his final breath at 12:05 pm and went on to Heaven. At 8:30, my mom called to let us know that he had spiked a fever and his heartrate was 190 bpm. He had slowly been getting warmer since yesterday and his oxygen had gone down from 90% to 83% overnight. By the time we got to the hospital, it was down to 60%. They never checked it after that but we could all tell it had gotten lower and lower as the day went on. He'd been getting morphine every 5 hours and then overnight he was getting it every 2. They had purposefully not given him the morphine when the fever hit, so that the hospice nurse could see him in his "natural" state. The drugs really helped him cope and breathe so one nurse in particular didn't think he even had pneumonia which is what he was there for in the first place.






So she came by and let us know what would probably happen in the next several hours. And shortly after that he was given some morphine to help him breathe. He had such a terrible rattle, and it just sounded like he was breathing underwater. His kidneys and liver had started failling on the day we traveled down so he was really jaundiced. His hands started getting cooler and cooler as the day went on. We cried and it came in waves. We'd get ourselves composed long enough to settle down and a new ebb and flow would come.






Poppy had Grandma, mom and her husband, my uncle and aunt, their kids, me, Amy and Adam. My aunt's parents were there too. And Grandma and Poppy's preacher was there with us. Along with a couple other friends of theirs ended up coming later. It was truly hard watching him die. Hard to watch my grandmother sob over his body. Hard to say goodbye to the only grandfather I've had for 17 years. Hard to see my grown cousin cry. Easy to be relieved that he was no longer struggling for fleeting life on earth. Glad to know he will be rejoicing for eternity.






Lots of praying happened in the 3 hours that I'd been there that day. The nurse prayed with us. The preacher prayed with us. A chaplain that they know came in and prayed. And my aunt's dad prayed. And there were the silent prayers that were also filling the room. At one point, the preacher was sharing a verse he'd come across earlier in the day. Then Grandma mentioned that Poppy's favorite verse was Matthew 11:28 "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest." I basically started sobbing. Our choir sang an acapella song on Palm Sunday and it was that verse, taken directly from scripture. It never had so much meaning as it did right then.






One of Grandma's friends brought by some pizza for lunch and we had all just started making plates when my aunt said Poppy was barely breathing. We rushed back over and stood by his bed as he slipped away quietly. I've never seen anyone die before. I was too little when my grandpa died. I couldn't get out to Arkansas when Granny was in the hospital. We were on the road, heading down here when my great-grandmother passed. It's never been so real to me. And so surreal, if that makes any sense.






And the angels danced around the throne. My Poppy was saved in 1966. He was an adult who made a decision to follow the Lord with all his heart. And he stuck by that decision. He was a good man who could've lived much longer if that cancer hadn't settled in to his brain. I can't tell you how much I hate cancer right now. I know he doesn't regret anything in his life, so I'm not upset that he's gone because it means he's not suffering anymore. But it makes cancer something for me to hate. I may just get involved with Relay for Life or something like that. And Poppy's passing might lead Theona to make the decision of salvation. Only God knows what will come of this, but I know it will serve a purpose towards His will.






We have visitation tomorrow from 3-5 and the funeral on Sunday at 2. We already have more food than we know what to do with. And my cousin used to work at McDonald's (he was a manager before he went in the Air Force) and the current manager brought over 3 huge barrels of tea and some ice. The church is serving a lunch after the morning services on Sunday. And beyond the food, my Grandma has so many people offering help of any kind, including a new roof for the house. I'm so glad my aunt and uncle live here. She will be so well cared for. I wish I could talk to Poppy again. And I know I will someday. The last thing he said to me back in January was, "Hey girl." His greeting to me and Amy all the time. I was packing up the van to come back home and when I walked in the door to grab more stuff, he was looking at me, so I said, "Hey Poppy." And he smiled at me and gave me those two precious words. I will hold them in my heart until I see him again.