apprehension

Two blogs in one day! I should be sleeping....it's 2:17am!! But I am wired!

The women's retreat is coming up. The first weekend in April. When Sherry Coyle asked me to be on the committee, I was shocked. I mean, I'm only 27! I know there are much more qualified women to fill that role, but I'm so honored that she asked me. Melinda Brown and I are in charge of the music for the weekend.

I'm feeling a little intimidated. I'm not going to lie and say I don't know that I can sing. God gave me an incredible gift and I've been doing my best to give it back to Him everyday. He is the reason music is in my veins, my genes...my soul. He is the reason my mind has a way of learning a song in a short amount of time. He is the reason I've been presented with every opportunity I've had to use my voice.

So I feel like this is a big responsibility. I just hope I can do it justice.

We'll be meeting next month to go over some of the song choices and Sherry has asked if Melinda and I would sing some solos...AHH! I love singing. But that doesn't mean I don't get nervous! Mostly if I'm not familiar with the song.

This past Sunday, I sang the solo in the choir song. I wasn't nervous about that one at all. I know that song inside and out so I just let it go. I was bursting with it.

As cheesy as it is, tonight on Idol, there was a guy who picked an unknown song (to the judges at least) and when they critiqued him on his performance they made it a point to say that he should've picked a better song. He could tell that he'd made a mistake, but he wanted to make sure they knew just how much he loved singing and music. He said something about it being on his skin, how he couldn't keep it in and he just felt it all over.

That's how I feel.

And beyond the music, I'm nervous about being seen. Seen as a leader. Afraid of letting everyone down or disappointing. I had a rough several years before coming back to Donelson and I never want to feel that far away from God again.

I'm glad I still remember that time.

"I used to pray that You would take this shame away. Hide all the evidence of who I've been. But it's the memory of the place you brought me from that keeps me on my knees. Even though I'm free."

I love that song. It's me down to the core.

The location for the retreat is amazing. We had band camp there in high school and it holds a lot of memories for me. I was really nervous going in to the retreat last year. Carrie was there, but had to leave for Katie's graduation so I felt a little alone at first.

But spending the weekend with some amazing ladies, I felt a new kind of peace about my spiritual life and relationship with not only God, but fellow believers.

I hope I can give someone else that kind of comfort.

Right now, the most rewarding thing I have to look forward to is hearing Katrina Morgan speak. I'm sure there will be a number of rewarding things that weekend. But I love hearing her talk...even if it's about something mundane like vegetables. She could read the phone book to me and I'd listen with rapture!

And I just know she has something valuable to say. Something I can take away with me from that time with her.

I can't express how much I'm looking forward to that retreat. It's so rewarding.